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1 year surgiversary

29 Dec

Hard to believe its been a year since I had surgery. I’m thrilled to be down between 97-110lbs, depending on when you’re measuring from. Any way you count it, it’s a whole person.

Now, as a family friend put it, with 25 lbs to go, I’m even with the rest of the world….lol. As the new year approaches and I bemoan the gain of a couple of holiday pounds, I want to get back at it, and kind of kicking myself for not killing it all in my post op year.

But still happy to have seen the following things happen this year–

I can wear normal width shoes and boots, in 1-2 sizes smaller
I feel comfortable on an airplane seat with seatbelt to spare
I got a bathrobe size S/M and granted I am sure it’s sized generously, but it fits!!
I am 5-6 sizes down.
I got my wedding ring sized down 4 sizes…and it’s still a leeeeeetle bit loose.
I am wearing clothes that have a tiny bit of style occasionally.
I can dance.
I can go up six floors (11 flights) of stairs and not die
I don’t leave a permanent dent in furniture anymore
I am not taking medications for diabetes anymore

I’ll take it all….now to see how much more I might be able to lose and then maintain.

Getting active again

8 Oct

I have not really been doing any real exercise since spring. Which is unfortunate, because I bet if I’d stuck with it I would be a lot closer to my goal weight. I have 25 lbs to go to goal weight and I would love to get that done. I could get it done in probably 3-5 months if I put my mind to it.

I have free gym access now to a pretty decent gym, personal fitness trainers and classes through my work. It’s open 24 hours a day, 6 days a week which is also nice. The big barrier? No showers! So I’ve decided I guess I am just going to go at the end of the day when I can go home afterward or go late in the evening during my witching hour when I am at loose ends and tend to want to snack if I have nothing else to do.

I am really glad the support calls through Mytinytank are starting up again too. It’s very helpful to me to get a weekly reset and focus.

A Change Anything Activity

12 Aug

here is an activity I was asked to do that I hope will help me get over the problems of snacking at night.  It is my biggest biggest danger area by FAR.

Take a minute and write down all the behaviors you do during this crucial moment that you know you shouldn’t

  • I eat sweet or salty snacks available in the house.
  • I go out and purchase sweet or salty snacks if they are not available in the house.
  • I ask family members to go out and purchase snacks for me.
  • I take the snacks upstairs to bed and play on the computer while I eat them.
  • Sometimes i don’t keep perfect track of how much of it I have eaten.

– Then next to each one, jot down why they make you feel good (or why you do them)

I eat sweet or salty snacks available in the house.

I am honestly not sure why I want to eat the snacks. I’m rarely hungry. It satisfies my sweet (or salty) tooth.  It calms me down and relaxes me.  It gives me something to do.

I go out and purchase sweet or salty snacks if they are not available in the house.

I like planning and purchasing snacks. It gives me something to do.

I ask family members to go out and purchase snacks for me.

I like it if I don’t have to go out and buy them, I can just sit and watch TV or play on the computer until they come back.  Sometimes my husband likes to get his snacks too and then we eat together.

I take the snacks upstairs to bed and play on the computer while I eat them.

Its sort of like a slumber party.  I do something I like and eat the snacks.  Sometimes my husband eats his snacks too and we watch TV together.

Successful changers find alternate activities that also make them feel good, but are more healthy such as “going for a 15 minute walk” instead of “watching TV.”

– For the last step, brainstorm a list of things that might be better alternatives. Then tonight, when you are tempted to do an unhealthy normal behavior, try a new one.

I could eat a healthier snack.

I could knit or crochet to keep myself busy.

I could go on a walk, but often its hard with all the kids to get away, and right now its really hot outside still at night.

I could blog or get on twitter and talk about it and get support.

I could read a book that will encourage me to do something different.

I could do an activity with one of my kids.

I could get something done around the house (cleaning, prep)

 

So, I have not actually DONE this yet, tried alternate behaviors.  I have in the past, but have again fallen into the trap of this behavior.  It is like a bone-deep, soul deep behavior that I don’t understand. I like to eat snacks at night.  I don’t like to do some of the things other people might say, like take a bath (not a fan) and its like there are all sorts of behaviors and barriers are all tied up in this situation.  I’m probably making it more difficult than it really is.  Maybe I need to just try it and see.  Its like I just get this “itch” about an hour or two after dinner to get my snack on.  And my mind won’t let it go until I scratch the itch, either with eating or with shopping, my two go-to behaviors.

Whats on your must read list for overcoming habits?

31 Jul

I’m over six months out and I am trying to renew my attention to improving myself.  I am trying to read some good books that get at some of the core roots of behavior change that will help me continue to lose the remaining weight and keep it off.  I really only have about 20-25 lbs to go, which is mind blowing to me, but the last pounds are really going slowly.

Any books, webinars, etc that you would recommend to help me reinvigorate?

 

I just got back from a large 11K+ person convention put on by my company and I got sick the day after I got back.  It was a great experience but I think I took back more than good ideas.  Yuck.

I’m baaaaack…..sorta.

4 Jul

Its been a very very long time.  The new has kind of worn off the wls journey, but I’m still doing ok.  I’ve lost about 88 lbs, and now have stayed here for quite a while.  I would like to get to 100 lbs, and that would be fine by me!  And that isn’t very far away.  I am not exercising like I should, I’m not doing a lot of things like I should right now.  But maybe I can get my butt back in gear.

I don’t have a ton of energy to write out a big post, but I am looking forward to having the 4th of July through Sunday off.  We have no trips planned, since we took a trip to the oregon coast last month before I started my new job.

The turmoil of switching employers sucked up most of my mental and physical energy the last couple of months.  My former employer was slowly imploding and I had to get out.  I was not laid off, but I was not hoping to be switching to a new job after only a year, but I was blessed with many different choices.  Still very stressful.

Has anyone seen any Mac or web based software that offers journal writing prompts?  I need to write more, whether its in the blog or whether I keep the post private.

Hope all of you are well!

The danger of quiet #wls #cbt #addiction

23 Apr

There is something deep within me, that cannot stand peace, quiet, sameness.  This little beast within me lives to incite change, shake things up, stir the pot.  Why is this?  What is the deep rooted part of me that at my heart can’t sit still?  Can’t enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon at home without anything to do?  Needs to eat, buy, go, move, do?  I do not understand this need, and I do not know how to stop it or what causes it.

Ironically, I’m incredibly lazy.  Its my mind that seems to need the activity, not my body.  My body gets unwillingly dragged along for the ride, used to the pull and draw of something new, something sparkly to keep my brain happy.

If I have food, I eat it.

If I don’t have food, I go get some.

If I have money, I spend it.

If I don’t have money, I figure out how to get some.

If I’m bored at work, I plot a change.

If I am worried at work, I play out all the scenarios to be prepared for any eventuality.

I’m like a CPU that is always running a bunch of unnecessary background processes and programs, keeping the computer running high and hot, without anything productive to show for it.

I don’t know what caused the patterns to form.  I don’t know what will satisfy this truly, because clearly food, money and upheaval aren’t doing it.

Why?  What will help?  I know I’m not the only one.  Whatever is beneath all these symptoms and behaviors won’t stop until I fix whatever “it” is.

I am musing all this as I try to consider the true motivations under a current change I’m considering.  Am I considering this change because of the monster within, or because there is a truly legitimate need for change?

How do I figure out WHY I behave this way?  Do I need to figure out why? How do I tell what is a legitimate need versus what is a need created by the monster?

My new reasons to lose the last 38 pounds #wls

21 Apr

I woke up this morning with a major V8 sort of epiphany.  My motivation has been flagging for a while, I’m not exercising like I was, and not being as food vigilant as I should.  I have been struggling to figure out why, beyond the general concept of the honeymoon being over and it being hard to sustain attention on something like this for such a long time (which is still a major factor of course).  Another factor is the slowdown overall in weight loss speed.  I mean, its really hard to get excited about continuing to eat only 800 calories a day and exercise every day and lose weight at the same rate when you are eating 1200 calories a day and not exercise every day.

Anyway, I woked up realizing that another factor is that I have achieved MOST of the reasons I originally set out to lose weight by reaching where I am now.  So I need to come up with new reasons.  The original reasons were:

Original Reason #1 — I will be healthier. I am dramatically healthier now.  I am no longer actively diabetic, my CPAP is down to on average 4 cm H20 per night rather than 14.  My knees feel better.

Original Reason #2 — I will be more confident.  I already feel this.  I definitely have more swagger and know that I no longer stick out in the crowd.  That is a great feeling!

Original Reason #3 — I can buy cuter clothes.  I love this!  I can now buy clothes in the “regular” sizes and have soooo many more options. Its rather unreal.  The only store of interest beyond my reach at this point in Victoria’s Secret.

Original Reason #4 — I will have more energy.  Jury still a bit out on this one. Because I traded the lack of energy of extreme overweight for the lack of energy from low iron and low calorie intake, I haven’t really seen much boost on this one yet. 

Original Reason #5 — I will be a better role model for my kids.  Oooh, this one is one I can still retain as a goal.  I was definitely being a better role model when the hershey’s bliss were out of the house and I was exercising more. 

Original Reason #6 — Travel will be easier/more comfortable. I am definitely feeling the benefits of this one.  I can travel without being exhausted and sweaty, I can fit comfortably with room to spare in airplane seats without feeling like I am spilling over into someone else’s space any more than the next guy.  This is an awesome benefit.

Original Reason #7 — Diabetes might go away.  This has happened.  A1c is normal without meds.  Yay!

Original Reason #8 — Maybe I can get rid of the CPAP.  While my average pressure has gone down from 14 cm H20 to 4, I haven’t been able to ditch it yet, and doc says I may not be able to do without an operation to correct severely deviated septum.  I am close to being able to ditch it, but no cigar.

Original Reason #9 — I will be able to move easier.  This is definitely true, but I am sure there is still room for progress.  My knees feel better and I can walk or exercise for extended periods of time without feeling like I am going to die.  I still have knee instability and fear of going down stairs because of my knees though.

Original Reason #10 — I will be able to try different types of activities.  I have added some things, like Zumba, to the bag of tricks.  I still haven’t tried things like water aerobics or things outdoors that I have avoided, like hiking, skiing or snow tubing or water skiing. 

Original Reason #11 — I will feel less self conscious about my weight.  This is definitely true.  I have always constantly polled the people around me to see where I fit in weightwise, whether i stuck out as one of the fat ones. That isn’t true anymore.  There are usually plenty of larger people in a room.  This is a ridiculous one, but its just how it is.

Original Reason #12 — I will feel better about myself.  This one is still one to keep on the list.  Because I am not engaging in all the habits I know to be the right things to do, I don’t feel as good about myself as I could. 

Original Reason #13 — I will feel sexier.  I am not sure that losing all the weight in the world could fix this.  Sexy is a state of mind that is wrapped up in so many other things, not just weight. 

Original Reason #14 — I will enjoy amusement parks more.  I know this one sounds silly, but I really love amusement parks.  And it was a great loss to not feel comfortable in them.  I know that because of the airplane progress, its logical to figure I’d feel ok on rides now.  No chance to test this out until the state fair in August.

New Reason #15 — I will have a BMI in the normal range.

New Reason #16 — I will weigh less than my hubby.

New Reason #17 — I will achieve a new physical goal (need to pick something here0

What else can you think of that I should add to the list?  What did you focus on to get yourself to go the final distance that I should consider for myself?

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