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1 year surgiversary

29 Dec

Hard to believe its been a year since I had surgery. I’m thrilled to be down between 97-110lbs, depending on when you’re measuring from. Any way you count it, it’s a whole person.

Now, as a family friend put it, with 25 lbs to go, I’m even with the rest of the world….lol. As the new year approaches and I bemoan the gain of a couple of holiday pounds, I want to get back at it, and kind of kicking myself for not killing it all in my post op year.

But still happy to have seen the following things happen this year–

I can wear normal width shoes and boots, in 1-2 sizes smaller
I feel comfortable on an airplane seat with seatbelt to spare
I got a bathrobe size S/M and granted I am sure it’s sized generously, but it fits!!
I am 5-6 sizes down.
I got my wedding ring sized down 4 sizes…and it’s still a leeeeeetle bit loose.
I am wearing clothes that have a tiny bit of style occasionally.
I can dance.
I can go up six floors (11 flights) of stairs and not die
I don’t leave a permanent dent in furniture anymore
I am not taking medications for diabetes anymore

I’ll take it all….now to see how much more I might be able to lose and then maintain.

My new reasons to lose the last 38 pounds #wls

21 Apr

I woke up this morning with a major V8 sort of epiphany.  My motivation has been flagging for a while, I’m not exercising like I was, and not being as food vigilant as I should.  I have been struggling to figure out why, beyond the general concept of the honeymoon being over and it being hard to sustain attention on something like this for such a long time (which is still a major factor of course).  Another factor is the slowdown overall in weight loss speed.  I mean, its really hard to get excited about continuing to eat only 800 calories a day and exercise every day and lose weight at the same rate when you are eating 1200 calories a day and not exercise every day.

Anyway, I woked up realizing that another factor is that I have achieved MOST of the reasons I originally set out to lose weight by reaching where I am now.  So I need to come up with new reasons.  The original reasons were:

Original Reason #1 — I will be healthier. I am dramatically healthier now.  I am no longer actively diabetic, my CPAP is down to on average 4 cm H20 per night rather than 14.  My knees feel better.

Original Reason #2 — I will be more confident.  I already feel this.  I definitely have more swagger and know that I no longer stick out in the crowd.  That is a great feeling!

Original Reason #3 — I can buy cuter clothes.  I love this!  I can now buy clothes in the “regular” sizes and have soooo many more options. Its rather unreal.  The only store of interest beyond my reach at this point in Victoria’s Secret.

Original Reason #4 — I will have more energy.  Jury still a bit out on this one. Because I traded the lack of energy of extreme overweight for the lack of energy from low iron and low calorie intake, I haven’t really seen much boost on this one yet. 

Original Reason #5 — I will be a better role model for my kids.  Oooh, this one is one I can still retain as a goal.  I was definitely being a better role model when the hershey’s bliss were out of the house and I was exercising more. 

Original Reason #6 — Travel will be easier/more comfortable. I am definitely feeling the benefits of this one.  I can travel without being exhausted and sweaty, I can fit comfortably with room to spare in airplane seats without feeling like I am spilling over into someone else’s space any more than the next guy.  This is an awesome benefit.

Original Reason #7 — Diabetes might go away.  This has happened.  A1c is normal without meds.  Yay!

Original Reason #8 — Maybe I can get rid of the CPAP.  While my average pressure has gone down from 14 cm H20 to 4, I haven’t been able to ditch it yet, and doc says I may not be able to do without an operation to correct severely deviated septum.  I am close to being able to ditch it, but no cigar.

Original Reason #9 — I will be able to move easier.  This is definitely true, but I am sure there is still room for progress.  My knees feel better and I can walk or exercise for extended periods of time without feeling like I am going to die.  I still have knee instability and fear of going down stairs because of my knees though.

Original Reason #10 — I will be able to try different types of activities.  I have added some things, like Zumba, to the bag of tricks.  I still haven’t tried things like water aerobics or things outdoors that I have avoided, like hiking, skiing or snow tubing or water skiing. 

Original Reason #11 — I will feel less self conscious about my weight.  This is definitely true.  I have always constantly polled the people around me to see where I fit in weightwise, whether i stuck out as one of the fat ones. That isn’t true anymore.  There are usually plenty of larger people in a room.  This is a ridiculous one, but its just how it is.

Original Reason #12 — I will feel better about myself.  This one is still one to keep on the list.  Because I am not engaging in all the habits I know to be the right things to do, I don’t feel as good about myself as I could. 

Original Reason #13 — I will feel sexier.  I am not sure that losing all the weight in the world could fix this.  Sexy is a state of mind that is wrapped up in so many other things, not just weight. 

Original Reason #14 — I will enjoy amusement parks more.  I know this one sounds silly, but I really love amusement parks.  And it was a great loss to not feel comfortable in them.  I know that because of the airplane progress, its logical to figure I’d feel ok on rides now.  No chance to test this out until the state fair in August.

New Reason #15 — I will have a BMI in the normal range.

New Reason #16 — I will weigh less than my hubby.

New Reason #17 — I will achieve a new physical goal (need to pick something here0

What else can you think of that I should add to the list?  What did you focus on to get yourself to go the final distance that I should consider for myself?

New Year, New Me, 2012

2 Jan

I have not been in the habit of making New Years Resolutions because I never felt like I had any chance of making them real for myself, so why bother?  This year, I have a ray of hope that there is the chance of some change this year.  With the shell of one of my favorite coping behaviors stripped away, I find myself at odds with how to make resolutions, however, even though I think this year I can actually make some happen.

So the biggest thing is doign the OneWord365 idea.  I have a few ideas of choice words – nurture — so many of my issues are self-destructive types of behaviors — what is the opposite of self-destructive?  That is what I desire to be.  other choices — alive, willing, active, open, confident, diligent, serenity….hmmm.

As for traditional resolutions. Hmm.  so here goes.  These are not in priority order.  They are all important.

1.  Keep my head about weight loss.  It will be inevitable this year that I will lose weight.  My resolution centers moer around not comparing myself to others, getting help where it makes sense, and not become annoying to everyone I love because I am hyper-focused on weight loss.  I tend to really hyper focus on things I am interested in, to the exclusion of most everything else.  Its just a part of an addictive sort of personality, I guess. I’d like to keep some rationality about it. 

2.  Find a good therapist, and actually go.  I’ve talked in the past about shitty therapy experiences. I’d like to find someone experienced with bariatric/emotional eating/addiction issues whose personality I can tolerate. 

3. Figure out where I am going spiritually.   I was raised in a strong religious tradition, and for a variety of reasons, I have drifted away from the religion I was raised with.  I don’t know if organized religion is for me right now, but I do strongly want a spiritual life that I think will help with some of the other issues.  I’d like to explore meditation and understand if I need to be part of a church community, or if I can find spirituality outside of that setting.

4. Improve my career skills.  I want to take advantage of training opportunities and continue to improve my skills in key areas, in particular interactions with clients and discovery/requirements elicitation techniques.

5. Spend more active time with my kids, be a better role model. A huge reason for my WLS is to be there for my kids (from a health perspective)  I’d also like to just “be there” more for them. I am often distracted or have been unable to be active with them.  I want to do more with them that will improve all of our lives.

6. Increase connection/intimacy with hubby.  We are celebrating 20 years of marriage this year!  I would like to ensure we have a date night regularly.  That will do wonders. 

7. Put more care into my appearance.  For years, being overweight has taken all the fun out of being a woman.  I begin to see the possibilities of nicer clothing and taking more care in my appearance.  I think I will feel better trying to do this, and also will reflect positively on my career.

Ok, so nothing highly philosophical or grand, but a good start, perhaps.

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