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I’m baaaaack…..sorta.

4 Jul

Its been a very very long time.  The new has kind of worn off the wls journey, but I’m still doing ok.  I’ve lost about 88 lbs, and now have stayed here for quite a while.  I would like to get to 100 lbs, and that would be fine by me!  And that isn’t very far away.  I am not exercising like I should, I’m not doing a lot of things like I should right now.  But maybe I can get my butt back in gear.

I don’t have a ton of energy to write out a big post, but I am looking forward to having the 4th of July through Sunday off.  We have no trips planned, since we took a trip to the oregon coast last month before I started my new job.

The turmoil of switching employers sucked up most of my mental and physical energy the last couple of months.  My former employer was slowly imploding and I had to get out.  I was not laid off, but I was not hoping to be switching to a new job after only a year, but I was blessed with many different choices.  Still very stressful.

Has anyone seen any Mac or web based software that offers journal writing prompts?  I need to write more, whether its in the blog or whether I keep the post private.

Hope all of you are well!

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The danger of quiet #wls #cbt #addiction

23 Apr

There is something deep within me, that cannot stand peace, quiet, sameness.  This little beast within me lives to incite change, shake things up, stir the pot.  Why is this?  What is the deep rooted part of me that at my heart can’t sit still?  Can’t enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon at home without anything to do?  Needs to eat, buy, go, move, do?  I do not understand this need, and I do not know how to stop it or what causes it.

Ironically, I’m incredibly lazy.  Its my mind that seems to need the activity, not my body.  My body gets unwillingly dragged along for the ride, used to the pull and draw of something new, something sparkly to keep my brain happy.

If I have food, I eat it.

If I don’t have food, I go get some.

If I have money, I spend it.

If I don’t have money, I figure out how to get some.

If I’m bored at work, I plot a change.

If I am worried at work, I play out all the scenarios to be prepared for any eventuality.

I’m like a CPU that is always running a bunch of unnecessary background processes and programs, keeping the computer running high and hot, without anything productive to show for it.

I don’t know what caused the patterns to form.  I don’t know what will satisfy this truly, because clearly food, money and upheaval aren’t doing it.

Why?  What will help?  I know I’m not the only one.  Whatever is beneath all these symptoms and behaviors won’t stop until I fix whatever “it” is.

I am musing all this as I try to consider the true motivations under a current change I’m considering.  Am I considering this change because of the monster within, or because there is a truly legitimate need for change?

How do I figure out WHY I behave this way?  Do I need to figure out why? How do I tell what is a legitimate need versus what is a need created by the monster?

airport catastrophes, please @dulles_airport, call me back!!!

21 Apr

My work with a client had an earlier exit point than expected this week, so I was within 24 hours of my scheduled flight. I check on united.com and it says I can make a same day change as long as its within 24 hours of my scheduled flight for $75. I think cool. that is much cheaper than another night in the hotel and meals for tomorrow on the way home. Call united, she verifies that this is the right policy and tells me that there is plenty of space on the flight I am thinking about taking.

I arrive at the airpoint about two hours prior to the flight thinking I have plenty of time (can you tell that this sounds like foreshadowing?) I get in line and have to wait quite a while because they tell me I have to talk to a real person. I finally get my turn and she spends forever trying to figure this all out. She finally comes back and tells me that will be $150 plus some fair difference ,making it like $239. I tell her, you policy is within 24 hours. She says, “no, the policy is same day if you want the same day change fare, you have to come back tomorrow AM. I nicely explain that their website says differently as well as the person I spoke to on the phone. She says, well they are incorrect. I show her the site, she gets pissed off and tells me to go around the corner to the special services counter. So I do that. And have to stand in another line. A shorter line, but of course this is the line for the people who have problems, so each person takes a loooooog time.

By this time, I get to her, I have 55 minutes, She easily helps me, and in fact, shows me that they were wrong on the other side, I could have even done this myself at a self checking <banging head against wall. She tells me there are two choices, the one I planned on and another one leaving at 4:30 (half hour later) I look at the time, and say, maybe I better take that 4:30 one, I’m not sure I’m going to have time to get through security and to the gate. She says, “oh you’ll have plenty of time, no worries.” I say “are you sure.” She again beams at me and says, “our security here goes fast…no worries.” (hmm….more foreshadowing?)

I get down to security, and indeed, it looks like it is not too terribly terrible, but busy and long lines of course. Dulles is a weird airport for security. I get up to the guy who checks the ticket and I pull out my temporary drivers license (my new renewal is in the mail to me back home) but it says right on the paper that goes with it “valid for airport travel” or something like that. The guy at the checkpoint doesn’t believe it, so he has to call some other guy on a walkie talkie to come down and verify this. Of course, this takes forever. The guy checks it all carefully and lets me go.

At this point, the plane is now boarding. But its a big plane, so boarding takes a while. I get in one of the lines to actually go through security, a second wait, and at dulles this part always takes the longest. I am finally within range of the table to sling the stuff on and I have a guy in front of me who doesn’t start taking care of his stuff until the conveyor and table is already clear from the person in front of him and then he starts mozying to do his thing. I start gradually getting my computer, liquids and cpap into bins. Shoes. Bags, finally get stuff going through. Get through the Humiliator (the full body scan) and begin grabbing my stuff. I am golden, grabbing faster than the speed of light, throwing on my tennis shoes and putting everything in and running off.

Hmm, my backpack feels ligher than it should. Shoot! left computer! Run back as I havent gone far, and get computer, and also fitbit from same bin. Off I go again! Run past crazy amounts of people (which I NEVER could have done a year ago) get on tram to my gates. Get to my terminal and am thankful to see my gate is only a couple of down. I make it to the gate, and they were just about to pack it up. I get on, triumphant. I made it!

Get seated and begin to pull out my devices to turn them off. Where is my phone ? OMG, where is my stupid phone? Check the bag neurotically 3 or 4 times. Not there, not there! Realize I must have either left it at the checkpoint (I was using it right up to security) or on the tram. The flight attendant had JUST asked people to put away their devices. I sheepishly ask the two ladies next to me whether they could possibly Text my phone or my husband for me to start tracking down my phone. They (even the young one) start huffing about how it’s illegal, while sitting amidst a sea of people who haven’t yet powered down. Bless their integrity.

I stew for the first 30 min of the flight but take my mind off it by watching the stupid inflight movie. I still sporadically imagine a villain getting access to my email and Evernote where I store corporate and sensitive info. 😦

Land in Denver and immediately connect to wireless to ping my phone. Yep. It pings back. Smugly showing its location at Dulles Airport. Call hubby, and he tells me someone had texted and called to say they were turning it into TSA lost and found! Yay! They even provided the phone number. Hubby had talked to TSA and an iPhone with a case matching my description was enroute to central TSA lost and found. They sent him email instruction and a claim number.

Went home on last leg more relieved.

But sadly, it couldn’t be that easy. Of course not. TSA calls next day and says the phone matching my description had been claimed by a flight attendant and was not mine, that somehow they had confirmed it was hers.

So I call Dulles airport lost and found, hoping that I lost it on the tram, because then it would mean the person turned it into central lost and found rather than TSA. But alas, apparently Dulles airport lost and found is either swamped with calls to return or they just don’t feel urgency about retuning calls,because no contact back from them yet.

I hold out hope that since no one has tried to turn it on since it lost battery that it may indeed be in a lost and found bin rather than in someone’s hot little hands, but..I wonder what myriad of ways people can thwart find my iPhone….

Went and got a replacement last night using my hubby’s upgrade eligibility. Praying we still get it back ,that way it was worth it as he will have a new iPhone too.

On a separate note, backup from iCloud is a godsend. And the only bright spot? No way in HELL, that I could have ran from security to c gates in Dulles with a bag and heavy backpack a year ago!

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