So this is all feeling rather like a big pile of spaghetti noodles to sort out. Today was a really strange day. It is the first day that I would say I willfully broke most of my eating guidelines and just kept going. I also didn’t exercise. I am trying to figure out why. Possible reasons:
- WLS Honeymoon is over?
- Hubby was home and I just wanted to be like old days in having fun with him
- Onederland is close and some part of me is not ready?
- TOM?
- Stress from some source I can’t really identify as a trigger?
What I can say is good about it is, despite how crap my eating was, I still logged it. The temptation to just “skip” logging the bad stuff I ate and say I’ll start over tomorrow was very strong. But I didn’t. Its out there in all its shameful glory.
I know I recognize this sort of feeling. I felt disconnected today, not with it. I felt like I was somehow not a WLS post op. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, eat what i wanted to eat, and pretend like life was like it used to be.
So I can see I did this, but I can’t really FEEL that any of the reasons above is a legitimate “oh yes, that’s absolutely it” source for why I did what I did.
So I guess, more musing is required to see if I am ever able to overcome my “trigger blindness” that I seem to have.
I also got a call from the doc and learned that my iron level in my 3 month post op blood work was low, it was 24 and should have been in the range of 50-150. So I had to go out tonight and get an iron supplement. I am not sure how soon it will help.
Well, I won’t say “back to it tomorrow” because really, its back to today. In the next minute, i can choose to make better choices than I made in the last minute.
Loser Mama 