1 year surgiversary

29 Dec

Hard to believe its been a year since I had surgery. I’m thrilled to be down between 97-110lbs, depending on when you’re measuring from. Any way you count it, it’s a whole person.

Now, as a family friend put it, with 25 lbs to go, I’m even with the rest of the world….lol. As the new year approaches and I bemoan the gain of a couple of holiday pounds, I want to get back at it, and kind of kicking myself for not killing it all in my post op year.

But still happy to have seen the following things happen this year–

I can wear normal width shoes and boots, in 1-2 sizes smaller
I feel comfortable on an airplane seat with seatbelt to spare
I got a bathrobe size S/M and granted I am sure it’s sized generously, but it fits!!
I am 5-6 sizes down.
I got my wedding ring sized down 4 sizes…and it’s still a leeeeeetle bit loose.
I am wearing clothes that have a tiny bit of style occasionally.
I can dance.
I can go up six floors (11 flights) of stairs and not die
I don’t leave a permanent dent in furniture anymore
I am not taking medications for diabetes anymore

I’ll take it all….now to see how much more I might be able to lose and then maintain.

Getting active again

8 Oct

I have not really been doing any real exercise since spring. Which is unfortunate, because I bet if I’d stuck with it I would be a lot closer to my goal weight. I have 25 lbs to go to goal weight and I would love to get that done. I could get it done in probably 3-5 months if I put my mind to it.

I have free gym access now to a pretty decent gym, personal fitness trainers and classes through my work. It’s open 24 hours a day, 6 days a week which is also nice. The big barrier? No showers! So I’ve decided I guess I am just going to go at the end of the day when I can go home afterward or go late in the evening during my witching hour when I am at loose ends and tend to want to snack if I have nothing else to do.

I am really glad the support calls through Mytinytank are starting up again too. It’s very helpful to me to get a weekly reset and focus.

A year since I began the WLS pre-op journey

25 Aug

This week marks one year since I started my WLS preop journey, beginning to work on losing weight and attending a WLS seminar.  I can’t believe its been a year!  A year ago I weighed 278 pounds.  Today, I weigh 184.  A year ago, I couldn’t fit in an airplane seat without an extender. Today, I have about 8-9 inches to spare.  A year ago I couldn’t walk up one flight of stairs without dying.  Today, there was a fire drill and I was able to get up 12 flights of stairs after the drill and be huffing less than some other “skinny” people.  A year ago, I was wearing size 26 pants. Today, I am wearing size 14.  A year ago, I was really focused on weight loss. Today, I’m not and need to be re-energized to go the final distance.  A year ago, I was afraid WLS was not going to work for me. Today, I am afraid that I will not be able to go the final distance and maintain my loss.

So a lot a lot of good stuff, but also still some other stuff going on that still needs worked on.  Overall, what a difference a year makes!!

A Change Anything Activity

12 Aug

here is an activity I was asked to do that I hope will help me get over the problems of snacking at night.  It is my biggest biggest danger area by FAR.

Take a minute and write down all the behaviors you do during this crucial moment that you know you shouldn’t

  • I eat sweet or salty snacks available in the house.
  • I go out and purchase sweet or salty snacks if they are not available in the house.
  • I ask family members to go out and purchase snacks for me.
  • I take the snacks upstairs to bed and play on the computer while I eat them.
  • Sometimes i don’t keep perfect track of how much of it I have eaten.

- Then next to each one, jot down why they make you feel good (or why you do them)

I eat sweet or salty snacks available in the house.

I am honestly not sure why I want to eat the snacks. I’m rarely hungry. It satisfies my sweet (or salty) tooth.  It calms me down and relaxes me.  It gives me something to do.

I go out and purchase sweet or salty snacks if they are not available in the house.

I like planning and purchasing snacks. It gives me something to do.

I ask family members to go out and purchase snacks for me.

I like it if I don’t have to go out and buy them, I can just sit and watch TV or play on the computer until they come back.  Sometimes my husband likes to get his snacks too and then we eat together.

I take the snacks upstairs to bed and play on the computer while I eat them.

Its sort of like a slumber party.  I do something I like and eat the snacks.  Sometimes my husband eats his snacks too and we watch TV together.

Successful changers find alternate activities that also make them feel good, but are more healthy such as “going for a 15 minute walk” instead of “watching TV.”

- For the last step, brainstorm a list of things that might be better alternatives. Then tonight, when you are tempted to do an unhealthy normal behavior, try a new one.

I could eat a healthier snack.

I could knit or crochet to keep myself busy.

I could go on a walk, but often its hard with all the kids to get away, and right now its really hot outside still at night.

I could blog or get on twitter and talk about it and get support.

I could read a book that will encourage me to do something different.

I could do an activity with one of my kids.

I could get something done around the house (cleaning, prep)

 

So, I have not actually DONE this yet, tried alternate behaviors.  I have in the past, but have again fallen into the trap of this behavior.  It is like a bone-deep, soul deep behavior that I don’t understand. I like to eat snacks at night.  I don’t like to do some of the things other people might say, like take a bath (not a fan) and its like there are all sorts of behaviors and barriers are all tied up in this situation.  I’m probably making it more difficult than it really is.  Maybe I need to just try it and see.  Its like I just get this “itch” about an hour or two after dinner to get my snack on.  And my mind won’t let it go until I scratch the itch, either with eating or with shopping, my two go-to behaviors.

Whats on your must read list for overcoming habits?

31 Jul

I’m over six months out and I am trying to renew my attention to improving myself.  I am trying to read some good books that get at some of the core roots of behavior change that will help me continue to lose the remaining weight and keep it off.  I really only have about 20-25 lbs to go, which is mind blowing to me, but the last pounds are really going slowly.

Any books, webinars, etc that you would recommend to help me reinvigorate?

 

I just got back from a large 11K+ person convention put on by my company and I got sick the day after I got back.  It was a great experience but I think I took back more than good ideas.  Yuck.

I’m baaaaack…..sorta.

4 Jul

Its been a very very long time.  The new has kind of worn off the wls journey, but I’m still doing ok.  I’ve lost about 88 lbs, and now have stayed here for quite a while.  I would like to get to 100 lbs, and that would be fine by me!  And that isn’t very far away.  I am not exercising like I should, I’m not doing a lot of things like I should right now.  But maybe I can get my butt back in gear.

I don’t have a ton of energy to write out a big post, but I am looking forward to having the 4th of July through Sunday off.  We have no trips planned, since we took a trip to the oregon coast last month before I started my new job.

The turmoil of switching employers sucked up most of my mental and physical energy the last couple of months.  My former employer was slowly imploding and I had to get out.  I was not laid off, but I was not hoping to be switching to a new job after only a year, but I was blessed with many different choices.  Still very stressful.

Has anyone seen any Mac or web based software that offers journal writing prompts?  I need to write more, whether its in the blog or whether I keep the post private.

Hope all of you are well!

The danger of quiet #wls #cbt #addiction

23 Apr

There is something deep within me, that cannot stand peace, quiet, sameness.  This little beast within me lives to incite change, shake things up, stir the pot.  Why is this?  What is the deep rooted part of me that at my heart can’t sit still?  Can’t enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon at home without anything to do?  Needs to eat, buy, go, move, do?  I do not understand this need, and I do not know how to stop it or what causes it.

Ironically, I’m incredibly lazy.  Its my mind that seems to need the activity, not my body.  My body gets unwillingly dragged along for the ride, used to the pull and draw of something new, something sparkly to keep my brain happy.

If I have food, I eat it.

If I don’t have food, I go get some.

If I have money, I spend it.

If I don’t have money, I figure out how to get some.

If I’m bored at work, I plot a change.

If I am worried at work, I play out all the scenarios to be prepared for any eventuality.

I’m like a CPU that is always running a bunch of unnecessary background processes and programs, keeping the computer running high and hot, without anything productive to show for it.

I don’t know what caused the patterns to form.  I don’t know what will satisfy this truly, because clearly food, money and upheaval aren’t doing it.

Why?  What will help?  I know I’m not the only one.  Whatever is beneath all these symptoms and behaviors won’t stop until I fix whatever “it” is.

I am musing all this as I try to consider the true motivations under a current change I’m considering.  Am I considering this change because of the monster within, or because there is a truly legitimate need for change?

How do I figure out WHY I behave this way?  Do I need to figure out why? How do I tell what is a legitimate need versus what is a need created by the monster?

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